“Opposites attract” is a law of attraction, at least where electromagnetism is concerned. But are there laws about attraction between two people? “In a world that is full of strangers” as a line in a famous song of the 1980’s goes, is there a clear set of rules that allows two people to fall for each other?
Is attraction a matter of chemistry?
This is possible. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behaviour of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants. The horrible odour released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone as well.
Some species of ape are also known to rub pheromone, containing urine, on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some scientists also believe that animals in particular(usually the females), such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from the partners receiving the signal. This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.
Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. However, new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern and led by Klaus Wedekind, are slowly making these scientists rethink their standpoint on human pheromones.
The experiments involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found, that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, much the same as in the case of insects and other mammals, seems to be a natural mechanism, to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. Researchers also cautioned, however, that preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills, to name a few of the variants that have been noticed so far.
And so, we can see that on some level, whether it be microscopic or a larger science, pheromones do indeed play a part in human attraction! However, it is also clear that pheromones alone can not be the sole cause of human attraction, and as such, leads to further questions!
Does personality figure in sexual attraction?
The answer to this question is a resounding Yes, but it is not so black and white as simply personality, as it is shown that, your own perception, whether correct or not, of a potential mate’s personality, also plays a very strong part in this equation.
According to research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of their respective partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations. What does this have to tell us? Humans prefer a certain personality types, which attract them to a person.!
However, aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction over time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to them, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not. This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought they were this kind of person.”
So how does attraction figure in relationships?
You most probably know by now that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, attraction becomes just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in long-term relationships.
So should I stop trying to become attractive?
More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual states. Physical attraction is still just a precursor. Remember, biology predisposes us to choose the partner with the healthiest genes. Also, being a physical attribute, this factor is likely to change a lot, as both your environment around you, and also your position within that environment, changes over time.
Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself! Would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about themself? Probably not! This is why Personal Improvement is such an important factor to our lives and how we live them. There are many part of our own personality that can be explored and improved upon, however it is up to us to make a personal choice to want to work on them.
There is a certain wisdom in knowing yourself! However how many of us have taken the time to discover who we truly are, what are our beliefs, values, and dreams. Do we pretend to be someone we are not, and if so, why? Fooling another person by making them think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both difficult situations and some disappointments at a later stage in the relationship.
When you are healthy in all aspects in general, the amount of attractiveness that you possess will become a consequence and not an end. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security is a matter of major importance, perhaps even more so than the occurrence of attraction. It is also an interesting point, to mention here, that most major religions also teach the importance of exploring and discovering yourself, and often teach that it is a virtue to know your beliefs, morals and values, but also to know why you believe them and to continually assess whether or not these values are still current.
Another important thing to remember whenever working on one’s true self, is to ask yourself why you wish to explore or change particular parts of your personality, and to remember that to do these things for yourself and not for the benefit of other people, or for the implied benefits it will hold for you, will ensure more chance at success. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person.
Is attraction a matter of chemistry?
This is possible. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behaviour of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants. The horrible odour released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone as well.
Some species of ape are also known to rub pheromone, containing urine, on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some scientists also believe that animals in particular(usually the females), such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from the partners receiving the signal. This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.
Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. However, new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern and led by Klaus Wedekind, are slowly making these scientists rethink their standpoint on human pheromones.
The experiments involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found, that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, much the same as in the case of insects and other mammals, seems to be a natural mechanism, to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. Researchers also cautioned, however, that preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills, to name a few of the variants that have been noticed so far.
And so, we can see that on some level, whether it be microscopic or a larger science, pheromones do indeed play a part in human attraction! However, it is also clear that pheromones alone can not be the sole cause of human attraction, and as such, leads to further questions!
Does personality figure in sexual attraction?
The answer to this question is a resounding Yes, but it is not so black and white as simply personality, as it is shown that, your own perception, whether correct or not, of a potential mate’s personality, also plays a very strong part in this equation.
According to research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of their respective partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations. What does this have to tell us? Humans prefer a certain personality types, which attract them to a person.!
However, aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction over time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to them, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not. This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought they were this kind of person.”
So how does attraction figure in relationships?
You most probably know by now that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, attraction becomes just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in long-term relationships.
So should I stop trying to become attractive?
More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual states. Physical attraction is still just a precursor. Remember, biology predisposes us to choose the partner with the healthiest genes. Also, being a physical attribute, this factor is likely to change a lot, as both your environment around you, and also your position within that environment, changes over time.
Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself! Would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about themself? Probably not! This is why Personal Improvement is such an important factor to our lives and how we live them. There are many part of our own personality that can be explored and improved upon, however it is up to us to make a personal choice to want to work on them.
There is a certain wisdom in knowing yourself! However how many of us have taken the time to discover who we truly are, what are our beliefs, values, and dreams. Do we pretend to be someone we are not, and if so, why? Fooling another person by making them think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both difficult situations and some disappointments at a later stage in the relationship.
When you are healthy in all aspects in general, the amount of attractiveness that you possess will become a consequence and not an end. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security is a matter of major importance, perhaps even more so than the occurrence of attraction. It is also an interesting point, to mention here, that most major religions also teach the importance of exploring and discovering yourself, and often teach that it is a virtue to know your beliefs, morals and values, but also to know why you believe them and to continually assess whether or not these values are still current.
Another important thing to remember whenever working on one’s true self, is to ask yourself why you wish to explore or change particular parts of your personality, and to remember that to do these things for yourself and not for the benefit of other people, or for the implied benefits it will hold for you, will ensure more chance at success. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person.
© Allan Street, 2008
About The Author:
Allan Street is a professional author who has been writing content for websites, newsletters, e-Zines and other periodicals since 1992. You can find more of his great articles at: http://shadowsarticles.blogspot.com/
